I browsed the “new” non-fiction shelves in my local public library a couple of weeks ago. One title in particular grabbed my attention: All the Devils Are Here: The Hidden History of the Financial Crisis by Bethany McLean and Joe Nocera. As I skimmed the dust jacket blurbs I thought, “I need to read this book.”

I wrote to some friends recently about a recurring struggle with resentment I’ve been experiencing. When the real estate/economic crisis hit me personally three years ago today, my reaction was a sense of feeling betrayed and stuck (stuck as in not being able to move and stuck as in having to pick up the tab). Prayer and a cultivated habit of not paying close attention to the news have combined to help mitigate the anger and resentment I’ve felt whenever I’ve “hung around” my sense of being betrayed and stuck. (Praying about it on one particularly bad day of indulging in “victim mode” the Lord gently and lovingly reminded me that He has personal experience with both being betrayed and getting “stuck” with paying the bill.) Nevertheless the news creeps into my awareness now and then – like a few weeks ago when some new data were released on sales of existing homes – and my anger gets rekindled.

So I read the book. And it helped me get to know the players – there were lots of them – who contributed to the ongoing financial crisis. They’re not saints. Some were downright greedy. Some were incredibly arrogant. Some were unscrupulous. Some were simply naïve. And getting to know them and the background behind their decisions has helped me get a handle on my resentment. For the most part it seems they behaved in ways consistent with their goals, their deep-seated convictions about the way the marketplace is supposed to work, how they perceived their mission in life, and in response to what appeared at the time to be extraordinary opportunities for success.

It got me thinking. Didn’t I buy a townhome through a “no money down” deal? Didn’t I finance that purchase in part with an “interest only” second mortgage? In these personal decisions – and likely others as well – am I not to some extent also accountable for this mess? My own motivations, expectations and perhaps even hopes and dreams may have been not much different from theirs!

For three years I’ve harbored this sense of resentment – most of the time buried beneath the surface. Today I release it. I forgive all the players – including myself – whose decisions combined to create this financial crisis. I accept that we all thought what we thought and did what we did and that now we are where we are.

It’s time to move on. Finally, I feel like I’m truly ready to do so.